Healthy Relationships & Bystander Intervention

Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, respect, independence and shared responsibility. Knowing what healthy behavior looks like can also make it easier to recognize when something is wrong and step in safely when someone may need help.

On This Page

• Healthy Relationships
• Recognizing Unhealthy Behavior
• Dating & Online Safety
• Bystander Intervention
• The RAIDERS Approach
• Support & Resources

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Healthy Relationships

Every relationship is different, but healthy relationships generally allow each person to communicate openly, maintain independence and make decisions without fear, pressure or control.

Communication & Boundaries

Healthy communication means being able to express needs, feelings, expectations and boundaries while respecting another person's right to do the same.

Boundaries may involve time, privacy, physical affection, sex, technology, finances, friendships, school, work or other parts of life. Boundaries can change, and they should be respected without punishment, pressure or retaliation.

Consent

Consent should be actively communicated, voluntary and ongoing. It can be withdrawn at any time. Someone who is incapacitated, unconscious or asleep cannot consent.

Learn More About Consent

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Recognizing Unhealthy Behavior

Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, academic and digital behavior. A single behavior may be concerning, while patterns of control, intimidation or isolation can indicate a more serious problem.

Isolation & Control

• Controlling where someone goes or who they spend time with
• Pressuring someone to choose the relationship over friends or family
• Preventing someone from going to class, work or activities
• Monitoring someone's location, phone, messages or social media
• Demanding passwords or access to private accounts
• Trying to control clothing, spending or personal decisions

Threats & Manipulation

• Threatening physical harm
• Threatening self-harm to prevent someone from leaving
• Blackmailing or threatening to reveal private information
• Using anger, intimidation or the silent treatment as punishment
• Using guilt, pressure or ultimatums to control decisions
• Destroying belongings or threatening pets, friends or family

Academic & Financial Abuse

• Interfering with class attendance, studying or assignments
• Accessing grades or academic information without permission
• Starting conflicts intentionally before important academic deadlines
• Preventing someone from applying for jobs or internships
• Controlling money or requiring permission for spending

Sexual & Physical Abuse

• Pressuring or coercing someone into sexual activity
• Using alcohol or drugs to take advantage of someone
• Ignoring or violating communicated boundaries
• Controlling decisions about contraception, pregnancy or STI testing
• Hitting, choking, slapping, kicking, pushing, grabbing or other physical violence

If you are concerned about sexual assault or sexual violence, visit the dedicated prevention and support page.

Sexual Assault Prevention & Support

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Dating & Online Safety

Meeting people online can create new opportunities for connection, but it is still important to communicate expectations and make decisions that support your safety.

Before Meeting Someone

• Choose dating platforms that align with the type of connection you want.
• Think about your boundaries before meeting.
• Tell a trusted friend where you are going and who you are meeting.
• Meet in a public place where you feel comfortable.
• Have your own transportation or another way to leave.

While Dating

• Communicate needs, expectations and intentions clearly.
• Pay attention to how the other person responds to boundaries.
• Notice whether communication is respectful and honest.
• Maintain your friendships, activities and independence.
• Trust your instincts if a situation feels uncomfortable or unsafe.

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Bystander Intervention

An active bystander notices a potentially harmful situation and takes a safe, appropriate action that may prevent the situation from escalating or help someone who needs support.

You do not have to confront someone directly to make a difference. The safest response will depend on the situation.

Situations That May Need Intervention

• Someone is being pressured to drink or use another substance.
• Someone appears too impaired to make decisions or consent.
• A person is isolating or pressuring someone else.
• You hear degrading, threatening or sexually aggressive comments.
• An argument appears to be escalating.
• A friend appears uncomfortable, afraid or unable to leave.
• Something about the situation simply does not feel right.

Ways to Intervene

Your safety matters, too. Avoid escalating a dangerous situation. Call 911 when emergency assistance is needed.

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The RAIDERS Approach

RISE uses the RAIDERS framework to help students think through bystander intervention:

Recognize a Problem

• Pay attention to your surroundings.
• Look for warning signs or changes in behavior.
• Do not dismiss your instincts just because others do not appear concerned.

Assume Responsibility

• Do not assume someone else will respond.
• Ask whether the person is OK.
• Recognize that speaking up can encourage others to act.

Implement Resources

• Consider what resources are available nearby.
• Think about whether police, EMS, staff or friends should be involved.
• Consider your own safety before acting.

Determine a Plan

• Choose an intervention that fits the situation.
• Stay calm and gather the information you need.
• Be prepared to change your approach if the first strategy does not work.

Engage Others

• Recruit friends, staff or others nearby to help.
• Give people clear, specific instructions.
• Call emergency services when necessary.

Respond

• Be clear and direct when possible.
• Avoid antagonizing or escalating the situation.
• Focus on helping the person at risk.

Sustain the Culture

• Respect boundaries and encourage others to do the same.
• Address harmful behavior before it becomes normalized.
• Check in with people after an incident.
• Support a campus culture where people look out for one another.

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Support & Resources

Community & National Resources

• Voice of Hope Rape Crisis Center: Call 806.763.7273 for crisis support and advocacy.
• Women's Protective Services: Provides crisis intervention, shelter and support related to interpersonal and family violence.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 800.799.7233 or text START to 88788.
• Love Is Respect: Provides information and support related to healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships.
• One Love Foundation: Offers educational resources about healthy and unhealthy relationship behaviors.

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Programs & Workshops

RISE offers educational programs on healthy relationships, consent, sexual violence prevention and bystander intervention for classes, student organizations and campus groups.

Explore Programs & Workshops