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RISE Blog | "Can’t We All Just Get Along?” Conflict Resolution Edition

Written By: Avery Matak, Peer Educator
Edited By: Silas James & Elizabeth Perry
February 19th, 2024

Everyone has experience with conflict – with a friend, partner, family member, or coworker. Sometimes, the argument isn't too serious, and you're can move past it within an hour. Other times, a conflict can manifest into raised voices, fhurt feelings, or even the end of a relationship. It's important to learn how to effectively manage conflict resolution to enhance your values and relationships. 

What is Conflict?

Being human, we've all dealt with conflict before. According to Modern Recovery, conflict resolution is the ability to apply strategies to “prevent misunderstandings from escalating into full-blown conflicts” (2023).

Have you ever gotten into an argument about your roommate not keeping their side of the room clean? Or maybe an argument with a friend about politics or religion? These topics can be divided into two distinct areas of conflicts. The first is an example of a regular conflict, while the second is an example of a value conflict.

According to Pon Staff of Harvard Law School, value conflict involves core values, like moral standards or religious and political beliefs (2023). Because this type of conflict focuses on values that we hold close, value conflict can lead to more intense arguments and can take longer to resolve. While conflict resolution is used for both regular and value conflicts, since value conflicts are much more personal, they can be trickier to navigate.

All About Core Values

Core values are the center of value conflict, so it's important to understand what core values are and where they come from. Everyone has their own distinct set of personal values. According to Dr. Sara Sutler-Cohen, core values are root beliefs and perspectivees we use to guide our behavior (2019).

No one shares the exact same set of core values. Is loyalty important to you? What about security, openness, or respect? How important are these things to you? If they are highly important in your life and relationships, these might be some of your core values. Our core values come from everywhere. Aspects like how and where we were raised, culture, religion, and important people in our lives can all influence our core values. It's essential to know what core values are and what shapes them to better understand perspective and boundary setting.

How Value Conflict Can Occur

Conflict is a part of day-to-day life. Whether you experience it at your workplace, school, or in relationships, it's part of being human. Value conflict can arise when you and another person are having a dispute that heavily revolves around core values. According to MIT Professor Lawrence Susskind, conflicts involving our value system can heighten defensiveness, distrust, and rejection (Shonk, 2023).

When we get into an argument we feel threatens those values, we may be more likely to not want to compromise or see others view at all. Because core values are something we strongly believe in and hold close to our hearts, it's easy to become blinded by frustration. When this happens, conflict can continue to escalate, or we may even walk away from the conflict, leaving the issue unresolved. Understanding how this conflict arises can help you learn how to recognize it, which is an important step of conflict resolution.

Why Should I Care?

When we get into a disagreement, it may be easy to say something like, “agree to disagree” while still being bitter and not attempting to understand one another. However, practicing effective conflict resolution comes with several benefits and valuable skills. When effective conflict resolution is practiced you can learn how to better come to terms with interpersonal conflict, reconcile emotions, and reach understanding (Imm, 2022). Practicing these techniques can improve and boost your well-being.

According to Modern Recovery (2023), practicing effective conflict resolution benefits:

  • Enhancing your communication skills: Being able to resolve conflict means actively communicating how you're feeling.
  • Fostering empathy: Practicing conflict resolution, especially with value conflicts, means attempting to understand a different viewpoint from your own.
  • Boosting self-esteem: Resolving a conflict rather than watching it become a heated argument can make you feel a sense of accomplishment and boost confidence.
  • Improving problem-solving skills: Problem-solving and conflict resolution are directly linked. To effectively resolve a conflict, you must be able to not only recognize a problem but come up with possible solutions.
  • Contributing to a peaceful environment: When you better understand where the other person is coming from and can resolve conflicts before they blow up, a peaceful environment is promoted.

By knowing how to effectively resolve conflict, you learn valuable techniques that can be applied to all areas of your life.

Putting it into Practice

Now that we know what conflict resolution is, how do we practice it? Practicing conflict resolution is more difficult than just knowing what it is. Conflict resolution relies on various techniques and can be put into a step-by-step process. It requires different skills, like active listening, effective communication, and emotional intelligence.

According to Modern Recovery (2023), to effectively practice conflict resolution—try using the following steps:

  1. Identify the problem.
  2. Understand interests. Try to see where they're coming from; think back to those core values.
  3. Establish ground rules. To make sure it's a smooth process where everyone is feeling heard, try implementing rules like no interrupting or taking turns to speak.
  4. List solutions.
  5. Evaluate solutions. Think of the possible solution's benefits or drawbacks.
  6. Implement the best solution.
  7. Review the resolution. Ask yourself if the method was effective. If not, think of where it went wrong and how you can learn from it.

Conflict resolution takes time and practice. So, it's important to try to follow the steps as best as you can and learn from each experience. It's normal to encounter conflict every now and then, so it's important to know how to handle it using proper conflict resolution techniques. Next time you find yourself dealing with conflict, give yourself a moment and try to put the steps into practice. You got this!

Resources

References

Imm, J. (2022). Why is Conflict Resolution Important?North Central College. 

MasterClass. (2021). How to Develop Successful Conflict Resolution Skills. MasterClass. 

Modern Recovery. (2023). Conflict Resolution: Definition, Benefits & Techniques. Modern Recovery. 

Shonk, K. (2023). 3 Types of Conflict and How to Address them. Harvard Law School.

Staff, P. (2023). Value Conflict: What it is and How to Resolve it. Harvard Law School. 

Sutler-Cohen, S. (2019). Core Values: What they are, why they matter, and how to define yours. Medium. 

 

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