RISE Blog | 5 Tips for Managing Conflict Around the Holidays

By: Makayla Klie, Peer Educator
December 2nd, 2021

The holidays are coming up, which might mean that it's time for families to come together and that conflict may arise. We've all experienced awkward conversations about politics, our childhood, or even unresolved issues we may have with a family member. Coming together to celebrate often entails many different views and experiences clashing under one roof. Here are some tips to manage that conflict in a loving and respectful way! 

Realistic Expectations 

Sometimes with our families, we set an idealized expectation of how things should go around the holidays. We want things to be peaceful and happy, when in reality, our daily lives can't always be like that. Especially if you know your views differ from other relatives, go into your celebration with this in mind: conflict might happen. Be honest with yourself! When we set unrealistic expectations, we often end up more hurt over the fact that our expectations were not met than we do about what was said. 

Try to Separate Intent from Impact 

Try and understand that sometimes, our relatives don't intend to spark conflict or hurt our feelings. They may feel like they are in a safe place to share their own experiences or views, not realizing that they are harming someone else. This is not to say that how you are impacted by their actions is invalid, rather, it may make it easier for you to address how you were impacted if you can start off by acknowledging their intent was not to harm you and then explaining the harm done.

People vs. The Problem

This is especially important with controversial topics like politics or religion. Sometimes we forget that those views may not reflective of how that person feels about you. It can feel like a personal attack when someone disagrees with your views on these things, but oftentimes, it is not. If we can separate the issue being discussed from ourselves, it makes it easier to respond in a way that conveys respect for the other person. 

Deflect to Other Relatives

If it becomes too difficult to try any of the above methods, you can always deflect to those around you! Try involving another relative in the conversation, so you can see yourself out of it. Or even mention that there are other members of your family that you'd like to catch up with. This is a relatively low-impact way of exiting the conversation without offending the person you are interacting with. 

Protect Your Safety and Well-Being

Always try and remember that these two things come first. If the conversation starts to head in a direction that threatens either of these, work towards removing yourself from the conversation or setting a boundary with your relative. Try changing the topic to something more trivial, or firmly set a boundary by saying “Talking about this topic isn't great for my own well-being, why don't we talk about something else?” If the conflict continues, work towards involving someone else who cares about your well-being and leave the conversation as soon as possible. 

Remember that the most important thing during the winter holidays is you! Try to avoid topics and conversations that negatively contribute to your mental health and keep in mind that the holidays are not always picture perfect. Hopefully these tips can help you manage any conflicts that may arise while reminding your relatives (and yourself) that they are loved and respected.

 

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