RISE Blog | "Love" in the Excess

Written By: Payton Preston, Peer Educator
Edited By: Elizabeth Perry
December 6th, 2024

In this time of new independence and discovery, many college students seek romantic relationships. It can be a true joy to give and receive affection from another person. Investing time into a relationship can be rewarding and desirable, but since some feel the need to rush into a new relationship, those eager for a significant other can risk committing to a partner without a thorough understanding of their motivations and personality. Early on in these relationships, partners may begin to give gifts and compliments, but what about when these gifts become so grand to the point of disbelief or even discomfort? Or when partners begin making plans of deep long term-term commitment at early marks in the relationship? How did this happen? How can you stop this? Is it healthy?

L is for what?

Love bombing is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves excessively grand gestures of affection that are ultimately used for manipulating a person into a relationship or staying in one. Love bombing is easily mistaken as genuine wholesome passion but is really a deceivingly unhealthy relationship trait. 

Timing of heavy commitment statements, compliments, and personal openness is not something to be taken lightly. “Love bombers notoriously pressure their partners into a commitment too early into a relationship. For example, they may say, ‘I love you’ within the first few weeks of seeing someone and expect a reciprocation” (Gionet, 2023). And if you are not feeling the same way about these deep statements, it can be difficult to voice your discomfort due the love bomber’s gifts and “enthusiasm.” The meaning and timing of certain statements can be different individual by individual, but love bombers will take advantage of these statements with malintent. 

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Gifts can make love bombing seem like merely a strong show of affection, but gifts can be unwanted, excessive, very expensive, unneeded, or even ‘convenient’ reminders of your debt to their great love. Here are some defined examples of what love bombing looks like according to the University of Colorado Boulder (2023):

1. • Showering partners in unneeded or unwanted gifts.
   • Taking gift giving to an extreme (e.g. buying five bouquets of flowers instead of one).
   • Buying overly expensive or excessive gifts early on (e.g. jewelry, electronics, travel, etc..).
   • Reminders of how much they have done for them or invested in them.
   • Using gifts to make the other person feel indebted. That there must be a return on their investment.

Although these gifts can seem very nice, it’s important that your feelings and the timing of the relationship are reasonably proportional to the gifts. 

Not what You Think

Why would a person go through the effort and expense of love bombing? It is linked with satisfaction in themselves by being able to control and manipulate. “…In a relationship setting… the individuals engaged in love bombing are likely to be ego maniacs and/or narcissists who like to feel dominant and powerful and/or love psychologically humiliating others” (Griffiths, 2019). A masquerade of grand disguised manipulation. This is dangerous territory especially for those in college who are vulnerable financially, inexperienced in relationships, and readily accepting of gifts and affection. 

Key Takeways

Know what it can look like: Grand gifts, early commitment statements, and other controlling tendencies that make one feel as though they are in debt to their partner. Gift giving and compliments are not inherently bad, but when it’s all too much, too soon, it’s worth taking a second look. 

Here’s some tips to get help if you find yourself in this situation:

• Seek a neutral third party to give their input on genuine questions about specific instances.
• Speak to a counselor about partner’s behavior and how to approach them.
• Talk to partner directly to communicate discomfort.
• Speak to a close friend or relative who can know of your plans to confront your partner and be ready to be present and supportive.

Resources

• TTU Student Counseling Services
  • 806.742.3674 | StudentCounselingCenter@ttu.edu | 201 Student Wellness Center, Lubbock TX
• TTU Title IX
  • kimberly.simon@ttu.edu | Student Union Building Suite 232, Box 42031, Lubbock, TX, 79409
• TTU Crisis Helpline
  • 806.742.5555

References

Bohns, V. (2019, February 13). Love Bombing: A Manipulation Tactic Used by Narcissists and Cult Leaders. Psychology Today. 

Gionet, A. (2023). Love Bombing Survey: Jewelry and Relationships. Shane Co. 

University of Colorado Boulder. (2023). What is Love Bombing? How to Recognize it and Protect Yourself. University of Colorado Boulder Health. 

 

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