RISE Blog | Supporting Survivors: A Look Into Navigating Difficult Conversations, Empathy, & Resources

By: Roman Konopa, Peer Educator
November 4th, 2021

Please be mindful that this blog discusses triggering topics such as sexual assault, rape, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.

When a friend or someone you know tells you they have been sexually assaulted, it may seem difficult to know how to help them. You might feel hesitant about what to do or you might feel scared about saying the wrong thing. What's most important is being there for the survivor and making yourself available; giving your time to empathize with the person lets them know more than anything that you are here to listen and support them. Here are some tips for supporting a survivor of sexual assault and resources you can direct them to:

Let Them Guide The Conversation

Knowing what happened to the survivor can cause outrage and a wave of emotions- it's natural, and shows you care about that person. However, it is important to remain calm and let the survivor guide the conversation. They may feel uncomfortable or more distressed about the situation in response to someone showing a heavy emotional reaction. You also want to express that you're listening to and are here for the survivor without making them feel that they must hide things that may further upset you. While it's normal to feel shocked and angered about the assault, you don't want to heighten the pain the survivor may be experiencing. Ask if they would like your help and ask how they want you to help.

Provide the space for the survivor to take agency of the situation. While it may seem instinctual to tell the survivor to report the sexual assault immediately, they may not feel comfortable or safe doing so. Being in control of discussing what happened and deciding how, when, and if what happened is reported puts the survivor in control and empowers them to decide what steps to take. One way to support them could be pointing them in the direction of resources in the community. Offer to go with them to file a report, to get a medical exam done, or whatever else the survivor decides on.

Ask Their Boundaries

Most people's first reaction to comfort others is to give them a hug or a rub on the back- before doing so, you'll want to consider the situation. One that has experienced sexual assault may be uncomfortable with physical touch, however, it is important to remember that not everyone is the same. Make sure to ask your peer their comfort level and use that as your guide. Asking for consent to hug someone reiterates their comfort and control.

The conversation regarding sexual assault can be triggering for both the survivor and the peer they trust. Don't push the survivor to tell you anything that they might be leaving out but do let them know that you are there to listen to anything they want to share. Confidentiality is also a huge keystone to being an ally to someone who has experienced sexual assault. Ensure that what is being told to you stays between you and the survivor, unless given otherwise permission or there is an immediate danger to the survivor's health and safety.

Provide a Friendship

While you may already be friends with the survivor, remind yourself to continue the friendship and not solely focus on helping their recovery. Invite your friend to go see a movie, grab lunch, or just hang out! Being there for the person as well as providing a distraction does more than you may think.

Notice Red Flags

Keep an eye out for unusual behavior from the survivor. The aftermath of a sexual assault may cause depression, stress, and anxiety, or suicidal ideation. If they hint about self-harm or attempting suicide, seek professional help as soon as possible. Signs of mental health crisis may be prominent or subtle. Subtle signs might look like someone no longer enjoying the activities and hobbies they used to, a sudden change in sleeping or eating patterns, giving away important possessions, saying they want to disappear, or isolating themselves from others. If you notice any of these signs reach out to a mental health professional immediately.

Self-Care

Maintaining your mental health is just as important as supporting your friend. Remember you are not solely responsible for helping support a survivor. Being there for somebody can be emotionally taxing. Know that when things get too overwhelming, you have permission to take care of yourself. Step back if you need to while making sure the survivor has someone else to reach out to for support and/or is in professional counseling.

Know the Resources

Texas Tech's Title IX office investigates sexual assault cases and can file a No Contact Order if the aggressor is a student. A No Contact Order restricts communication of any kind from and to both parties.

The Texas Tech Student Counseling Center provides free counseling and therapy for all Texas Tech students and even has a dedicated program for students in crisis. There is also the Texas Tech Crisis Helpline specifically for Texas Tech students, this line is available twenty-four-seven every day of the year. The Crisis Helpline number is below and can also be located on each Texas Tech student's Raider ID card.

Recovery after a sexual assault is not a one-size-fits-all solution; it is an ongoing and sometimes life-long process, and each survivor has different needs and goals in recovery. You can continue to support survivors by listening empathetically, upholding space for survivors to talk openly, and by providing resources.

Resources

Texas Tech 24/7/365 Crisis Helpline | 806.742.5555

Texas Tech On-Campus Police Department | 806.742.3931

Lubbock Police Department | 806.775.2816

Student Health Services / Student Counseling Center | 806.743.2122

RISE (Risk Intervention & Safety Education | 806.742.2110

Texas Tech Title IX Office | 806.834.1949

Voice of Hope Lubbock Rape Crisis Center | 806.763.3232

Women's Protective Services | 806.747.6491

 

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