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RISE Blog | Values in Passion: Ethics, Health, and Safety

Written By: Ayin Lewis & Xander Sanders, Peer Educators
Edited By: Elizabeth Perry
February 14th, 2025

Although sex is a taboo topic, it’s a natural instinct. It’s something we’ve all thought about at least once. Whether or not a person chooses to engage in sexual activity depends on their comfort level and their values. Values are defined as “society’s shared beliefs about what is good or bad” (McCombs School of Business, 2024). They inform people’s decisions as a sort of guide. Examples of this are freedom, truth, or responsibility. A person’s values touch all parts of their life, including their intimate life. Sex is a natural part of life that everyone interacts with in different degrees depending on their values; be that through thoughts, conversations, or engaging in sexual activities.  

What Do Values Have to Do with Sex?

Values are a guide to someone’s decisions in life, but how they exercise those values may look different from person to person. Two people may both value celibacy, but one may be okay with making out or kissing and one may not have had their first kiss. Two people could choose to abstain from sex or sexual activity for different reasons. A person’s experiences and their lifestyle factor into their motivations. It’s true that abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control (Planned Parenthood, 2023), but that is a lifestyle choice and may not work well for everyone. However, avoiding an unplanned pregnancy is not the only reason a person can choose abstinence. Sex might be painful, may not be enjoyable, or just may not be a priority for them due to personal or religious reasons. 

On the flip side, there are multiple reasons a person may choose to engage in sexual activity. There are physical benefits including stress reduction and exercise. Studies suggest that sex can lower blood pressure, increase heart health, and strengthen the immune system (Extended Sexual Health Presentation Slide 131, TTU RISE, 2023). There are also mental benefits. Sex generates oxytocin and endorphins that can relieve stress and help a person sleep better. Since stress places pressure on all of the body’s systems, reducing stress increases a person’s overall health. Not only that, but sex can have an emotional impact. Wanting to feel closer to your partner, feel more attractive, or increase confidence are just a couple emotional reasons a person may feel motivated to have sex. Finally, there are also goal-related reasons that might motivate someone to engage in sexual activity. This could be to have a baby, work on sexual skills, or simply to understand sexual anatomy better in a less clinical or academic environment. Whatever the reasoning to engage or not engage in sex, everybody’s life looks a little different and makes their own choices. There’s no shame in that!

Safety as a Value

What makes life exciting? What makes you get out of bed each morning? The answer’s different for everyone, especially when it comes to the values that inform their life. How a person sees the world and the choices they make is something unique to each one of us. However, patterns form in human behavior. If a person values ambition, they may pick a partner with a life goal even if that life goal seems unattainable. If a person values personal growth, they may look for a partner who goes to therapy and does the work to understand not only themselves but the people around them too. If freedom is valued, a free-spirited or even rebellious person may be who someone is attracted to. Getting to know a new or potential romantic partner is the best way to see if your values align. Communication in general is a trait of a healthy relationship, too. 

It’s best to listen not only to what’s explicit in the conversation but also to what is not being said. If values and personal boundaries do not align, don’t try to force a relationship. Two people not being a match does not mean there is anything ‘wrong’ about either person. Not everyone is compatible and that’s perfectly okay. If one person in the conversation isn’t being honest or does try to force a relationship despite incompatibility, it can lead to an unhealthy relationship or to bigger heartbreak down the road. 

How do you know if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? Well, it isn’t easy. In 2022, about 57% of TTU students reported difficulty in identifying dating abuse (ACHA Report, TTU RISE). It’s especially difficult because dating abuse does not just mean physical violence. Emotional, physiological, financial, and digital abuse are also forms of dating or domestic abuse. Just because identifying violence or abuse is hard doesn’t mean there are no signs. Thanks to the OneLove Foundation, there are at least ten signs of an unhealthy relationship:

  • Intensity
  • Possessiveness
  • Manipulation
  • Isolation
  • Sabotage
  • Belittling
  • Guilting 
  • Volatility
  • Deflecting Responsibility
  • Betrayal

Just like making sure your values align with any sexual or romantic partners is a part of how to keep yourself safe emotionally, your sexual health is a part of keeping yourself safe physically.

Health as a Value

No matter whether someone chooses to engage in sexual activity or not, health tends to be an important part of people’s lives. Health includes sexual health as well. Knowing the anatomy of the sex organs can be a step in the right direction for people who are uncomfortable talking about sex. Knowing anatomy is also helpful when it comes to understanding how medical procedures work, like a pap smear. Anatomy is especially useful in understanding how STIs spread and affect your body. For example, not all STIs are obtained through vaginal intercourse. Some bacterial STIs can be spread through oral intercourse. This is why barrier methods like flavored condoms or dental dams exist! 

Speaking of STIs, getting tested regularly does not just protect yourself but others as well. There are some STIs that appear asymptomatic but can still spread. This is another reason that it’s recommended to use protection. Even in monogamous relationships the CDC recommends to get tested once a year just to be safe (2021). Going to get tested might feel embarrassing or intimidating at first because of the stigma surrounding sex, but these appointments can also serve for other sexual health tests like testing for a UTI or yeast infection. 

Another part of taking care of one’s own health is by avoiding unplanned pregnancies; They can take a toll on your emotional, mental, and financial health. Condoms are 98% effective when used and stored perfectly. However, we’re human after all, so in real life, condoms are only 87% effective in preventing these types of pregnancies. However, condoms are the only form of birth control that also prevents STIs, so using more than one form of birth control is both a decision worth considering and one that professionals recommend (Planned Parenthood, 2023). One example of this is using condoms and being on the pill. If you want to know what the best course of action is for you, ask your doctor or a medical professional.

Not wearing condoms, having multiple sexual partners without getting tested often, unhealthy relationship behaviors, and engaging in sexual acts while intoxicated. What do they all have in common? Those are considered high risk behaviors because they risk putting your wellbeing in danger. So, to be more mindful of one’s general wellness, here are some examples of alternative, lower risk behaviors:

  • STI education
  • Sober sex
  • Frequent STI testing
  • Communication between partners
  • Consistent Condom use

At the end of the day, it’s all about safety and health. If someone is putting your health and wellness at risk–sexual or otherwise–then that relationship is unhealthy, and it might be time to have a conversation or consider parting ways. There are many ways to stay physically healthy and safe during sexual activity. Being mindful and informed helps to create a safe and positive experience for everyone involved! 

In Conclusion

Values are the abstract ideas that people use to guide their decisions in life. They are what informs a person’s motivations. A person can ensure their values are respected in a healthy relationship by candid communication as well as knowing the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Universal values include a person’s safety and health. When it comes to the physical wellness of a person and their partner(s), they can stay safe and healthy by using protection during intercourse and getting tested regularly, even in a monogamous relationship. I challenge you to reflect on your own values, particularly how they shape your perspective on sex. How does it affect your boundaries, your comfort level about sex, and the partners you choose?

Resources

References

One Love Foundation. 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship. (n.d.). 

Carnegie Women’s Health. (2023). Should I Combine Birth Control Methods?.. 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Which STI Tests Should I Get?. 

Ethics Unwrapped. Values. (2022). 

Kendall @ Planned Parenthood. (2021). What Birth Control Can I Use Besides Condoms?. Planned Parenthood.  

Planned Parenthood. (n.d.). Birth Control Methods & Options: Types of birth control. 

Rogers, P. (2023). The Health Benefits of Sex. Healthline. 

Smith S. (2022). Sexual Values: What Are They and Why Are They so Important. Stylist. 

Trawinski, C. (2017). How to Establish Sexual Values. LifeWorks Psychotherapy Center . 

 

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