RISE Blog | Man Up: How the Stigma of Masculinity Can Hurt Male Survivors

By: Luis Caballero, Roman Konopa, and Parker Whittenburg, Peer Educators
April 14th, 2022

Content Warning: This blog discusses sexual assault and rape. 

Unfortunately, men in our society are taught that strength equates to not expressing emotions freely. According to societal standards, men often hide their hardships and put on a front that they're fine and that they don't experience trauma. Regardless of gender, anyone can experience mental health issues or traumatic events. So why is it mainstream for men to suppress emotions towards these experiences?  

How Toxic Masculinity Hurts Sexual Assault Survivors

To best help sexual assault survivors, we must first learn the facts. While most sexual assault survivors are female, males are also susceptible. In fact, over one in 15 male undergraduate students experiences sexual assault in college (AAU, 2020). 

Males have also been shown to suppress emotional displays more than females (National Library of Medicine, 2016). This widespread mentality may result in increased feelings of reluctance and hesitance towards seeking mental health help for men. And healthy relationships without clear communication of emotion might be difficult for men to maintain. 

Power and male privilege can alter interpretations and definitions of consent. This lack of consent knowledge is prevalent within college-aged students. Nearly a third of male college students do not what constitutes sexual assault, and 35% of students don't report the incident because they are unsure that a crime or harm has been committed (CSA Study, 2007). This could be a contributing factor as to why a large percentage of sexual assault perpetrators are men. Therefore, this mental framework hurts all survivors. 

Additionally, men's beliefs of masculinity can cause barriers that prevent them from talking about being sexually assaulted, often from shame or embarrassment. Many men wait years to seek help or to disclose an assault, while many never seek or disclose at all. They might ask themselves these common misconceptions:

Men are supposed to be strong, why couldn't I overpower the assaulter?

• Men don't get sexually assaulted.
• If it didn't include violence, it wasn't actually assault.
• I can't talk to anyone about this; they would think I'm weak.
• A “real man” would never get raped. No one will believe me.

The stigma of male sexual assault survivors from other men can hurt survivors' healing processes. Although misplaced, someone may feel immense guilt after being sexually assaulted. Because men are socially expected to want sex, they may feel conflicted when they experience an unwanted sexual experience. This leads others to think that men are inherently more sexual than women, and it is unlikely for a man to be sexually assaulted or raped. Because of this myth, if a survivor experiences physical arousal, they may not define the incident as sexual assault.

It's okay to not want to talk about it though. It's okay to feel anger, grief, negative emotions—these emotions are natural and can be expressed in healthy ways. However, it's beneficial to unlearn toxic masculinity behaviors and attitudes for yourself and others. Men are allowed to feel any emotions they choose. Men can be vulnerable. Men can be furious and vocal about sexual assault. It's okay to reach out and get support. While it's okay for a survivor to speak up about their assault, it's also recommended to speak up if you witness an actual or attempted assault. Unlearning toxic masculinity contributes to a culture of believing survivors and supporting them. 

How a Mindset Can Impact a Male Survivor

The harm that sexual assault inflicts on a male-identifying victim is not bound to only the trauma of the memory or the pain from those moments, but also the stigma that isolates a victim. After a sexual assault, a survivor may feel conflicted as to what action should be taken moving forward. The steps to heal are not always made obvious, and many times, men don't know where to even begin. He may feel inclined to report the incident to the police, but the fear that the incident might get out may make him uncomfortable. Maybe it's not that he doesn't want people to know, but he may not want to feel invalidated by his friends for letting sex, regardless of consent, be something that affects him negatively. This comes from the common stigma that men can't be sexually assaulted, but there is a risk of assault regardless of sex, gender, gender identity or expression. Because of this stigma, many men find it hard to open up about their experience in fear of being teased. And these feelings of discomfort in discussing their assault might further isolate them.

Men may not be taken as seriously because they are societally seen as sexual beings. Because there is a misconception that men can't be sexually assaulted by women, others may misunderstand a nonconsensual experience a man might have, furthering his trauma. Without well-educated friends, he may be faced with judgements on his masculinity or feel invalidation for his emotions after opening up. 

Moreover, most men who are sexually assaulted report their perpetrator to be another man (National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010). For straight men, being sexually assaulted by another man may feel degrading and they may perceive that this has stripped them of their manhood. The problem, however, is no better among the gay community. Nearly half of all gay men in the UK report being sexually assaulted (Reuters, 2021). The issue of unwanted groping at bars is commonly reported by gay men, and this is unfortunately not an unusual occurrence. Reports of men being groped at a gay bar are often met with the situation being down-played as if they “asked for it" by going to a bar. 

It is the responsibility of all members of our society to call out others when they notice the rape-culture mindset persisting not only around the behavior, but the attitude. It is our duty to break down the stigma of male sexual assault and victim blaming. 

Getting Support

Every individual deserves consensual sex and has the right to be respected if they do not want any form of physical intimacy, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or sexual expression. Today we want to shed a light and offer a helping hand to male survivors of sexual assault.  

Support looks different for everyone. Oftentimes, support may take the form of listening, reporting the crime to the police, providing support resources, or seeking medical attention (RAINN). Regardless of what support may look like for the survivor, it is our goal to help provide you the tools necessary to best help. If a survivor chooses to disclose their experience, we encourage you to be as supportive and non-judgmental as possible.

Here are some specific phrases RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline staff recommends being supportive through a survivor's healing process.

• “I believe you. / It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.”
• “It's not your fault. / You didn't do anything to deserve this.”
• “You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
• “I'm sorry this happened. / This shouldn't have happened to you.”

Resources

At Texas Tech University, we offer a variety of resources for comprehensive prevention & response services for sexual assault, interpersonal violence, and stalking. 

The Office for Student Civil Rights & Sexual Misconduct (more commonly known as the Title IX Office) is in the Student Union Building, Suite 232. Make a report.

Voice of Hope Lubbock is a local 24/7 hotline for survivors of sexual assault.

TTU Crisis Help Hotline (24/7/365): +1 (806) 742-5555

Student Counseling Center: +1 (806) 742-3674

Title IX Coordinator, Dr. Kimberly Simón : +1 (806) 834-1949

Case Manager, Meredith Holden: +1 (806) 834-5556

RISE: +1 (806) 742-2110

Office of LGBTQIA Education and Engagement: +1 (806) 742-3931

1in6: Provides educational information and resources for men who've been sexually abused or assaulted. Chat with a trained advocate through the national helpline for men, available 24/7. Join a weekly chat-based online support group, facilitated by a counselor. 1in6 also serves loved ones and service providers.

Jimhopper.com: This site has articles that discuss the effects of child sexual abuse on adult men and their loved ones.

Malesurvivor.org: This site has information and a therapist search for male survivors of sexual violence.

 

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