RISE Blog | Narcissism & You

By: Joyous Njoku, Peer Educator
October 21st, 2021

Let's talk about a term that's commonly misused: narcissism. You might have heard someone refer to their co-worker or family member as a “narcissist,” or you might have used this word to describe a person in your life. Narcissism is a hot topic of discussion with the mental health professional community as well, so we'll be looking at the information provided by experts on narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). By the end of this blog, I hope that you learn a few things and will be able to dispel common misconceptions about narcissism and NPD.

What is Narcissism? What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? 

At first glance, one might assume that narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are describing the same thing or that these phrases are interchangeable. However, surprisingly, these words have a very different utility in the eyes of mental health professionals. 

According to WebMD, narcissism is “a relationship style characterized by extreme self-involvement to the degree that it ignores the needs of those around them.” 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as defined by the DSM-5, is “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others [...] behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is when one's narcissism is so extreme that it causes problems in many areas of life. Examples include but are not limited to relationships, work, and school. Sometimes individuals experience so many problems in their life that they are being asked (by work, school, family) to go to therapy.

Narcissism is on a spectrum by mental health professionals. It can be concentrated heavily in one area of one's life or can be a mild unconscious habit. When someone has slight narcissistic tendencies, it may not cause discomfort for the individual; this can cause a lot of problems and distress for those around the narcissist.

Dr. Ramani, a licensed clinical psychologist who focuses on narcissism and NPD in her work, calls Narcissism “The second hand smoke of mental health.” 1/200 (.5%) of Americans are diagnosed with NPD. Mental health professionals estimate that 1/20 (5%) of the population is on the Narcissistic spectrum.

The following list of Symptoms describes NPD according to the Mayo Clinic. One must experience at least five to seven of these characteristics during therapy to be diagnosed with NPD:

• Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance 
• Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration 
• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it 
• Exaggerate achievements and talents 
• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect mate
• Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
• Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior 
• Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations 
• Take advantage of others to get what they want 
• Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others 
• Be envious of others and believe others envy them 
• Behave arrogantly or haughtily, coming across as conceited, boastful, and pretentious 
• Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

Seven Types of Narcissists 

Dr. Ramani has done a great job articulating the seven different types of narcissists seen by mental professionals in her playlist here. People can exhibit more than one of these types of narcissism. Below is a quick overview of seven kinds of narcissistic personalities that you might (or may have already) come across:  

Grandiose Narcissist:

• Charming, charismatic, cocky, arrogant, confident, and clever, associated with glamour, success, and celebrity
• Displays their need for achievement, power, recognition, etc. 
• Don't take responsibility for their actions and project often

Covert Narcissist: 

• Lack social skills, charisma, charm, entitled, arrogant, and validation-seeking
• Present as depressed, victimized, irritable, hostile, angry, anxious, and needy
• Ignore the needs and feelings of others; invalidate or belittle the efforts or successes of others

Malignant Narcissist:

• Dr. Ramani considers malignant narcissism to “be the last stop on the train before psychopathy”
• Follows the standard patterns of narcissism and exhibits the following behavioral patterns: exploitativeness, coerciveness, manipulation, and control
• Having a certain meanness, menace, and cruelty that other narcissistic styles don't have

Benign Narcissist:

• Lacks conscientiousness, a child-like approach to relationships, shallow sense of understanding of how intimacy works, hard to absorb lessons on boundaries and relational expectations
• Sometimes, they can accept feedback for the sake of continuing the relationship
• More likely or willing to work on their patterns compared to other types

Neglectful Narcissist:

• Actively and easily ignore others around them, lack of empathy
• Challenging to be married to and very difficult to have as a parent/caretaker
• Approach their relationships with other people the same way they approach their relationships with inanimate objects
• Communal Narcissist:
• Seeks validation by serving other people, causes, or organizations solely for their reputation and self-esteem
• Lack empathy
• Disregard whether or not their actions did anything worthwhile for the people, causes, or organization

Cultural/Generational Narcissist:

• Product of a culture that promotes narcissism, raised by a narcissist, or had preliminary life circumstances that enabled narcissism as a sense of survival
• Deeply set in the structure of a family organization
• Can lead to entire families shunning an individual for not partaking in it

Signs of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can occur in many relationship types, but the most intimate ones cause the most damage. Parents/caretakers and significant long-term others can be a source for the most profound abuse that plagues the lives of the victim. Here is an excellent video from MedCircle with Dr. Ramani explaining the signs in more detail. Below are a few signs that you, or someone you know, has suffered from narcissistic abuse:  

• Someone plagued by self-doubt (if a narcissist has abused an individual in a close relationship, that individual can have a hard time trusting themselves or the value of their actions/thoughts) 
• Someone who experiences a sense of helplessness constantly 
• Someone who goes through cycles of social withdrawal  
• Someone who shares copious relationship anxiety (anxiety about the outcome or state of their current relationships) 
• Someone who is exhibiting narcissistic traits themselves: if one (or both) of the individuals' parents were narcissistic, then the child may have picked up some narcissistic behavioral patterns to adapt/survive in the home

Five Types of People that Attract Narcissists

Certain personalities are more vulnerable to attracting narcissists because narcissists can quickly meet their needs with these people. These types of people are not wrong at all and they are typically regarded very positively within our culture. 

• Overly empathetic 
•  Rescuers 
• Overly positive people 
• Forgivers 
• Children of narcissistic parents 

I hope this blog gave insight into narcissistic behaviors and characteristics. There is help for you if you experience narcissistic behaviors or if you are a victim of a narcissist. If you or a friend needs help, do not hesitate to reach out to a professional. At Texas Tech, the Student Counseling Center can be a great first place to stop.

 

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