RISE Blog | Don't Forget to Water Your Own Flowers: A Guide for Self-Compassion

Written By: Princess Nwora & Amanda Piel, Peer Educators
Edited By: Faith Dolan, Audrey Hudson & Elizabeth Perry
October 18th, 2024

When we picture a garden, we tend to think of things it needs to thrive, like water, soil, and sunlight. We also think of the things that can harm the garden, such as going without water for a week or letting weeds grow uncontrollably. Even though it’s normal to find weeds in the garden, we need to get rid of them to make room for growth. Our well-being is like a garden. It requires continuous care, attention and nourishment to thrive. In this self-compassion guide, we'll go over several ways to give attention to your well-being, just like you would for a garden.

Planting the Seeds

The first step in having a plentiful garden is planting the seeds. A growth mindset is like planting seeds that will grow and flourish. On the other hand, a fixed mindset is like leaving the soil barren, hindering its potential for growth simply because we believe that new growth is impossible. In order to allow for the most productive outcomes, consider these four steps to improve your mindset and welcome growth.

1. Embrace challenges. Adjust your mindset so that you see challenges as opportunities to flourish, just like a seed pushing through tough soil to sprout. 
2. Learn from failure. If we think of every setback as a fertilizer for future success, we can nourish our minds with the lessons we learn.  
3. Stay curious. Just like a gardener experiments with different plants, you should be open to new ideas and concepts. An open mind leads to forward progression, which helps things get better. 
4. Celebrate small wins. Just as you would celebrate the first sprouts of a new plant, acknowledge and appreciate your progress, regardless of how small it may seem.  

These four steps teach us how nurturing a growth mindset allows us to thrive under pressure, adapt to change, and maintain personal growth.  

Watering the Sprouts

Just as water is essential for keeping plants healthy and thriving, self-care is also necessary for preventing burnout and other forms of distress. Water is needed for all plants, and without water, plants are not able to grow or survive. Humans also need water, but in a more figurative sense, our “water” can be how we decide to practice our own self-care. Life can get busy, making it hard to prioritize your personal wellness. That's why it's important to explore various sources of "water."  

Self-care can include many things, such as reading, walking, or listening to music. Having a range of self-care activities can allow you to adapt to different situations. For example, while you may be unable to listen to music in class, you can still take a few deep breaths to stay clear-headed. Even small, intentional acts of self-care can be just as impactful as those that require more time and resources. Self-care is not just helpful for our general well-being, but it also plays a crucial role in preventing burnout.     

Burnout is mental, physical, and emotional depletion. This is often seen in professional fields where workers may lose interest and motivation in their roles, which of course applies to students as well. This state can lead to negative work environments and perpetuate a cycle of distress. However, practicing self-care may reduce the likelihood of burnout by creating a more positive mindset, even during stressful times. Caring for yourself promotes a healthier mindset and can benefit your physical well-being, just as proper care and resources help a plant become full and healthy. The mind and body work hand in hand, so if you're feeling overwhelmed, it may be time to act! 

Getting Enough Sunlight

It's also important to consider that plants can't thrive in a dark room; they need the sun to flourish! Sunlight brings essential nutrients necessary for life. Our “sunlight” comes in the form of positive energy and human connection. We are social creatures who thrive on support from others. Connecting with those who care about our well-being and personal growth is important. Surrounding ourselves with uplifting and supportive people can promote a positive mindset by providing a sense of belonging and community to your life. 

Our "sunlight" isn't relative to only our relationships; it can also take the form of our environment and activities. Engaging in things that bring us joy and inspiration can brighten our lives. Another great way to invite positive energy into our lives is by practicing gratitude. Actively pursuing hobbies, you love can add some light to your days. Just as a plant requires quality light to thrive, we must also seek energy from encouraging and kind sources- whether they be people or places. 

Pulling the Weeds

Just as, gardeners might take extra measures so weeds don't have access to the plants, we can also set healthy boundaries with those who drain our energy. Setting boundaries creates a barrier between the weeds and plants that allows you to keep yourself from being drained or falling behind. 

We know that taking these steps to improve our wellbeing is often easier said than done. Sometimes, negative self-talk, toxic relationships, and unhelpful habits creep up like weeds, putting our growth in a chokehold. To overcome that, we can identify our limiting beliefs, challenge the things that put us down, and use these obstacles to learn more about ourselves. We can practice letting go of perfectionism or self-criticism. Getting caught up in trying to be perfect can be easy, but doing so can lead to self-criticism and self-doubt. Even though these are just a few examples of weeds, there are so many more weeds that we might encounter in our lives. Learning how to remove these weeds creates space for healthy growth that will leave us truly content.

Avoiding Overwatering

We know that it can be easy to feel overwhelmed when trying to find balance in our lives. Feeling overwhelmed may mean that you are overextending yourself and trying to do too much at once– This is overwatering. All plants need water, but giving them too much can potentially do more harm than good: Vines and stems become heavy, limp and weak. The surrounding soil becomes soft and unstable, as vital nutients are washed away leaving frail, oversaturated foliage where a strong and determined stem once broke ground. To keep ourselves standing tall, we can find that balance by practicing saying "no" when necessary. Practice scheduling breaks and downtime. Taking breaks and giving ourselves time to recharge is critical for maintaining balance. Not having enough rest or time to recharge inhibits moments of reflection and awareness of how we feel, leading to burnout. By balancing effort and rest, we can preserve our mental and physical well-being.  

Fertilizing the Roots

The roots of a plant play a crucial role not only in transporting nutrients but also in keeping it firm and stable in the ground. As humans, we need our own "roots" in the form of core values that anchor us in life. Remember, these roots aren't limited to just one; we can foster diverse values that guide our decisions and actions daily. As Guillemin and Nicholas state, "Core values are those essential values by which a person measures their life, even when those values are diminished, denied, or removed" (Guillemin & Nicholas 2022). To help identify your values, look withing yourself, or people you admire, and create a list of values you hold in high regard. Narrow that list down to your top 10, 5, or even just 3 core values. Reflecting regularly on those values helps ensure that our actions align with them. Mindfulness exercises like journaling, deep breathing, and meditation are some effective ways to engage in this reflection. By intentionally connecting with our values, we can grow in a way that feels authentic to ourselves. 

Watching Your Flowers Bloom

Like a garden, we need extra care: watering, weeding, sunning, balancing, and fertilizing: to be our best selves. We can't effectively support those around us if we're poorly cared for. While it's essential to manage the demands of life and care for the people you love, remember to water your own flowers, too. 

Resources

• Student Counseling Center
  • 806.742.3674 | studentcounselingcenter@ttu.edu | Student Wellness Center, Room 201 
• Student Health Services
  • 806.743.2848 | studenthealthservices@ttuhsc.edu | Student Wellness Center
• Student Mental Health Community
  • 806.834.4544 | hs.mentalhealth@ttu.edu | Weeks Hall 244 | IG: @smhc_ttu

References

Caprara, G. V., Alessandri, G., Eisenberg, N., Kupfer, A., Steca, P., Caprara, M. G., ... & Abela, J. (2012). The Positivity Scale. Psychological Assessment, 24(3), 701 

Domar, A. D., & Dreher, H. (2001). Self-nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself as Effectively as You Care for Everyone Else. Penguin.

Guillemin M., Nicholas R. (2022) Core Values at Work-Essential Elements of a Healthy Workplace. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self‐Compassion, Self‐Esteem, and Well‐Being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass

Rhew, E., Piro, J. S., Goolkasian, P., & Cosentino, P. (2018). The effects of a growth mindset on self-efficacy and motivation. Cogent Education, 5(1), 1492337

 

Back to All Posts