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The Reality of Being the "Strong Friend:" When Asking for Help Feels Hard

Written By: Beth Baez, Peer Educator  
Edited By: Faith Dolan, Graduate Assistant of Outreach and Marketing 
November 18, 2025

Being the “Strong Friend”

Sometimes, in relationships, we find ourselves being vented to, being the shoulder someone cries on, or being the rock to someone. In a lot of the relationships we develop over our lifetimes, someone we know, maybe even ourselves, will take on the role of the “strong friend.” This person tends to be the one who always has a smile on their face and brings a positive attitude, no matter what may be going on behind closed doors. However, being a “strong friend” can actually lead to burnout if the person taking on that role doesn’t get the right support. 

Overwhelmed

As mentioned before, the idea of a “strong friend” is someone who suffers silently, but the idea goes a little deeper than that. A “strong friend” has a mask they show other people to make them happy, to make everything go smoothly, and to make them feel as if everything is fine and in control. In reality, this person could be going through a number of things like loss, grief, depression, anxiety, and other possible dilemmas related to their mental health. Since this “mask” is the only thing we see, however, we don’t know any better than to accept that the person we know might not be well, but seems like they’re doing just fine. 

Another part of the issue with “strong friends” is that it’s viewed as a good thing, even praised. Friends may call their “therapist” friend whenever they want, and bosses have that one worker who “always comes to work with a smile on their face”.  This trait has not only been normalized but also rewarded. This can lead to a lack of outreach or underutilization of resources for those who truly need them. The incentivization of the “strong friend” has discouraged them from asking for help and support.

Next, when the “strong friend” finally talks about their problems, it can be in an outburst or in a bad fit of depression, a moment that could have been avoided. The idea of building up tension until an outburst or only sharing during poor mental health conditions perpetuates a cycle in which they feel like they must suffer in silence and only feel like they can share when their emotions are about to explode. Although this “explosion” may provide a slight release of pressure, it does not resolve any of their conditions in the long term. This relationship of benefit and consequence in relation to venting is a psychological term referred to as co-rumination.

Co-Rumination 

Co-rumination is the psychological term for wanting to deal with your problems by sharing them with someone else, usually a friend. This idea sounds beneficial; however, co-rumination can be harmful to both of the involved parties’ emotional state and mental health. In a study conducted by Rose et al. (2018), it was found that co-rumination had adverse effects on the mental health of the person who is engaging with the activity.

When it comes to finding solutions, co-rumination can be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It can strengthen bonds, yes, but the decline in mental health in someone already struggling can be dangerous, and it can lead to things like depression and outbursts. This can cause an imbalance in your relationships, making your relationship feel empty and burdensome for the person in the “strong friend” role. This doesn’t stop at friends. Parents, spouses, and even coworkers can overshare and not be prepared to offer support in return. This feeling of an empty, burdensome relationship with something or someone can lead to burnout, a term often associated with school or work. Burnout refers to a feeling of exhaustion or lack of motivation associated with a specific activity, but it’s possible to get burnt out in a relationship, too. 

Silence Isn’t Strength

Being strong is having the courage and power to ask for help when you need it, not staying quiet when you do. According to the Texas Department of State Health Services (n.d.), 29.3% of Texans over the age of 18 reported feeling low levels of mental health for more than five days in a row. Even more, 26% of people with mental health issues do not seek mental health care, saying that they prefer to “deal with it” or make it go away on its own (Conroy et al., 2020). When we feel that we’re struggling, we may feel scared of asking for help, ultimately leading us to keep it to ourselves and feel burnt out.

The idea of being a “strong friend” is perpetuated through suffering in silence, which can be dangerous. They may be afraid of how it makes them look or wonder if asking for help means that they are the kind of person who can’t handle their problems. In reality, everyone struggles, and needing help is part of what makes us human! A world where people can freely seek the help they need is a world where no one needs to suffer in silence. 

When Your Bestie Is a “Strong Friend”

If you know someone who’s a “strong friend”, it’s important to let them know that you’re there for them. As discussed, one of the biggest issues of being a “strong friend” is the lack of support. Talking to them and checking in on them is a good way to make sure they have the help they need and are safe and secure in their lives. This doesn’t have to just be a “you okay?” text every few days or so; it can also look like asking someone if they’ve eaten or had water today, or maybe taking someone on a little coffee outing to get some sun.

Care comes in many forms, and often, being there to listen is the most important thing. This doesn’t stop with people who know “strong friends” either. If you are a “strong friend” yourself, it might be time to look inside yourself, take a deep breath, and go talk to someone you trust for a listening ear, care, and support. 

Conclusion

Being a “strong friend” can be hard. It’s rough to go through every day where it feels like they’ve got too much on their plate, but they do not owe it to others to be happy all of the time. It’s important for us to make it known that the “strong friends” in our lives have people to support them and love them just as much as they love everyone else!

If you’re a “strong friend”, go make sure that you have the time and care you need for yourself to be happy and live your life the best you can. 

Resources

Student Counseling Center
806.742.3674 | studentcounselingcenter@ttu.edu | Student Wellness Center 201

Student Mental Health Community
806.834.6717 |heather.frazier@ttu.edu | Weeks Hall 2nd floor

Texas Tech Crisis Helpline
806.742.5555

References  

Conroy, J., Lin, L., & Ghaness, A. (2020, July 1). Why people aren't getting the care they need. Monitor on Psychology, 51(5). 

Rose, A. J., Carlson, W., & Waller, E. M. (2007). Prospective associations of co-rumination with friendship and emotional adjustment: Considering the socioemotional trade-offs of co-rumination. Developmental Psychology, 43(4), 1019–1031. 

Texas Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Texas Health Data - Mental Health. Texas Health Data . 

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